—STEEL CANYON, November 2, 2005

A cabal from the Circle of Thorns terrorist mage organization suffered a resounding defeat today at the hands of agents from the SuperGroup Wyldfire. Over thirty cabalists awoke in the Magic Criminal Processing Facility at the Ziggurat, tagged for automated teleportation by agents bent on cleaning out three levels of office space in the multi-purpose skyscraper.

Accountants and lawyers were warned to stay in their offices during the battle.

“I'd just walked into the breakroom to refuel for our wicked fact-finding ceremony, already in progress, when all Ur broke out,” one prisoner (who wished to remain anonymous) commented. “Blasts from bubbles hit me in the back and pinned me to the wall, and then this nasty yellow-green glow sapped all of my strength away. I never even got my Broiler out of the microwave. Gtholthgua owes me my ten bucks back!”

When asked about the unusual setting, the Thorn explained that his dread masters were sick and tired of heroes interrupting their more intense rituals. “They figured that leasing a few floors of an office building, over in the financial district known to mortals as ‘Steel Canyon’, would be nicely inconspicuous at the same time that it would provide our dark arts with a solid layer of security against outsiders.” As a side benefit, the minions enjoyed a convenient proximity to local fast food franchises—a feature normally missing in the neighborhoods around the surface accesses to their subterranean lairs.

“The property management company never mentioned to us that a few floors have apartments, usually rented out to do-gooders. Who knew?”

Al DeRobbio, spokesman for Adept Property Management, spoke briefly with The Free Press on his way to formally press charges on behalf of the building’s owner. “We have a firm policy of supporting our city’s great defenders by converting low-demand spaces in our office buildings into small groups of efficiency apartments. These efficiencies are then leased to carefully-vetted, licensed heroes at a modest, below-industry-standard rate, in return for which we ask only that our heroic lessees assist with the security of that building and its occupants. Clearly, any villainous ritual that involves giant, winged demonic figures swathed in fiery auras—not to mention the incense clogging the air conditioning filters—violates our general lease agreements and endanger our contract-abiding customers. The owner has just offered to pay this month’s home water bill for the Wyldfire agents who spotted this improper use of office space in our building, and detained the parties involved.”

Rapid-responding agent Silver Valor, riding the building’s elevator to the topmost floors as part of a facilities maintenance check, admitted discomfort regarding the ease with which the Circle of Thorns managed to obtain their lease. “I mean, they’re guys in hoods and robes, with glowing eyes,”; he pointed out, noting that during his reconnaissance earlier in the day, he encountered a cabalist “disguised” via a topmost layer of a single Hawaiian-style shirt.